The Disease of Singleness (Part 3)

In each of our lives, we have and will find ourselves in various ‘stages.’ In each of these stages, God has purposes & plans for us – things He wants to develop in us as well as teach us. For example, as a person goes through their college years, they often learn how to live on their own and to become more disciplined. If God doesn’t develop those abilities in a person in that stage, they will never be able to succeed or function in the next stage of their lives.

Over the last couple months I’ve been reading through 1 & 2 Samuel and have been learning so much about the life of David. One thing that has stood out was David’s stage of ‘solitude’ as a shepherd. He spent a number of years out in the pastures where it was just him, his sheep and God. As discouraging or depressing as the word ‘solitude’ might sound it is actually a healthy, positive thing. Without that time David would have never had the talent he needed to become the warrior he would soon be, nor would he have had the heart for God that he would be known for having. Author Henri Nouwen once said that “solitude is the furnace for transformation.” With that said, we all must understand the stage in life where God has us and what He is desiring to develop in us. In singleness, it can be a great opportunity to develop our talents/abilities as David did. Also, and even more importantly, it gives us the opportunity to develop intimacy with our Creator. Just read Psalms and you can see this intimacy blossoming in the life of David. Today, I challenge you not to squander the stage you find yourself in, anticipating what is next, but make the most of the furnace in which God has placed you.

The Disease of Singleness (Part 2)

The assumption by many pastors is that if a person’s not married then something’s wrong with them. Whether that something is moral, relational, or maybe even spiritual. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, in the New Testament, two of our greatest examples of ministry were single: Jesus and Paul. Although singleness poses its issues, so does marriage. A married person is just as open to moral failures as a single person. In fact, look over the last few decades. All the individuals that experienced moral failures in ministry were married. I am not trying to bad mouth marriage, just to stretch the thinking of those in ministry. Marriage is an institution that was created by God and is a holy, special occasion, but as a church can we open our eyes to this large faction of individuals and embrace them? Not look down on them as if they are second class – not apart of ‘the club’- but love them and involve for who they are, not who they could be if they were married?

I dream of a Church who sees that each person, each group is important to the whole. The children, the youth, the young adults, the singles, the adults, the seniors. They each have so many valuable things to bring into a church. Let's not over focus on one group at the detriment of another, but to the best of our ability be the church God desires - one of diversity, of change, of transformation.

The Disease of Singleness

With this post, I’m beginning a series of posts that will be discussing the topic of singleness in the church. So leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like you were on the wrong end of an inside joke? There’s not much more embarrassing. In the church world today, it seems that this is the very thing happening to many of our single-church goers. And even moreso in ministry circles. This is most distrubing because according to recent statistics, 41% of Americans 18 and older are single. Many in the church world view a person that is not married as immature or as if something is wrong with them. For example, I had a friend recently interviewing for an associate pastor position and this is how part of the interview went:

Pastor: So are you married?
Friend: No, I’m not.
Pastor: So are you dating anyone? Any prospects?
Friend: No, not right now.
Pastor: So are you gay?
Friend: No.

It’s as if singleness is a disease. A disease which has only one cure: marriage. The danger in that is there are people who are not ready to be married, who have not found the right person God has for them to marry, or who feel led to a life of singleness. In forcing marriage on people, I believe many are undermining the work of God in that person’s life, and creating doubt in the plan God has for them. Something I’ve always believed and have read in scripture is that God equips people uniquely because He has a unique plan for their lives. With that said, in a person’s attempts to help someone who is single, they can actually be setting them up for failure. In 1 Timothy 6:6, the apostle Paul explains that great gain (success) is found not in what we can achieve (marriage) but rather in godliness and contentment. Therefore, in the Christian community we need to encourage people to be comfortable in their own skin, in who God has made them and where He’s placed them, rather than trying to force them to fit into our own little Christian box.